For my lack of strength these days,

I don't see things the same anymore.
somewhere along the way my eyes have altered their sense of sight.
All the light is too bright,
I shield them a split second after opening.
All the surroundings are too intense,
I curl up into my instant nervous compression.
All the world is too immense for me,
I'm hiding inside my shell that I thought had broken.

From the words that singed my skin,
to the lies that broke me down before,
so long ago,
years ago,
I'm still recovering.
I know it's been a few minor details,
I know this was unintentional,
but I'm at a loss for breaths, and hope.

Thing is, I feared the ocean because it once overwhelmed me,
sweeping me under it's currents, filling every open wound with harsh waters.
My eyes stung shut.
They opened again, but the fear of the waves was still there;
it's still here,
beating inside of my body in a place I can't seem to find.

I'm digging myself deeper trying to make these amends for what I've caused.
I'm sorry,
and only a million times could portray the slightest portion of how much I mean it.
It's not that I don't believe,
it's not that I don't trust,
It's not even that I don't love,
because I do.

What my predicament is,
is the fact that I can't accept all that you've given to me.
And subconsiously, and regrettingly, I await the next wave,
because that's all I've ever known.